So. I haven't posted an entry for several months. Usually, I write in my own personal journal but I figured I might as well keep this informed as well.
My heart aches Journal. I'm not going to beat around the bush here.
I am lost.
I hide behind smiles.
I wear a mask. A mask of lies.
I'm afraid to discard that mask and let the world see who I am.
I've let the one person who brightens up my day go. I had to. I couldn't find comfort in him any longer so I did what I figured best.
My grades are slipping. I work almost everyday. I close on school nights. I'm tired all the time. I'm slowly shutting down on the inside but I keep up the charade. The only thing that makes my day seem better is taking to Zach.
He puts a smile on my face.
I'm letting him go now.
I love you.
So yeah, I'm bored and procrastinating getting ready for work... yeah.
I have homework in EVERY class. That really sucks. I think I'm going to be calling Leigha for some help.
Yeah, I'm going to go eat now.
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
on my own
and I know
That I'm strong enough to mend
and everytime I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
and I live
one more day
and I make it through the rain.
One day at a time.
Yeah, so I don't usually do this but I feel horrible right now and this should keep me occupied for a bit.
Two days ago was a very great day. I thought that I had found a significant other and things were perfect. I totally misjudged and over analyzed everything. Several of my reasons for not wanting to get close were ridiculous but there is one maybe two really good reasons why I should start pulling away.
Lets just say I haven't received any form of contact from my "significant other" and it pains me to say that I must let this end now before I end up getting hurt worse, for right now I am already hurting.
Damn my feeble soul for getting so deeply attached to someone after just one night.
I'm a fool, I fall hard, and I love most wholeheartedly.
Obviously my attachment is much deeper than that of Dru's, so I am pulling away.
"Something so right has no chance to live."
Here I am once again I'm torn into pieces. Can't deny it, can't pretend, just thought you were the one. Broken up, deep inside, but you won't get to see the tears I've cried. Lol. j/k j/k. I'm in medical assisting right now listening to music and that song just came on.
Hey, I'm kinda hurting right now...
obviously I'm suffering in despair, that's why I have a lj... hopefully some of you will be selfless enough to leave me comments. Cheerio!!
(bee-tee-double-you, Ariane typed this. Actually, I'm typing right now--- Brett's too lazy to so he's dictating to me. *shrug*)